What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

What do you think about a sister's love?

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Im still living with it.

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We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

We all went to grammer schools

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I had hoped to write a book about this .

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Put me off passion for life!!

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My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

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My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

If babies could write, what questions would they ask on Quora?

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

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Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Why do men like low maintenance women?

This is how, and why children get BPD.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Is it wise to SECRETLY expose a narcissist by telling others that he/she is a covert narcissist?

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

So, i spoilt her more .

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I could never make a relationship work though!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

I was 9 years of age.

I write beautiful poetry .

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

She loved him until the end.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

This is soul school!.

But, we were locked up after school.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

He knew the spot.

Especially a lifetime of it.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

And i lived it daily.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I said to her

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

He resisted the act ,that day.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

My family never makes their pension either.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

(And it was in our own minds.)

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Was to survive, this bastard.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I never cut or harmed myself..

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

So whats the point in blame.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

But it wasn’t much.

I waited trembling.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

All the time i was locked up.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I don,t even have a pension.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Would this be the day?

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Who then, do I blame.?

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

What did i know ?

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

One cannot live in the past .

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

My life is so biszare .

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

When she asked me how she looked .

She married twice! .

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I was seconnd youngest,

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

But ive been too sick for many years..

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

I will be 64.

It was going to be , some day.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I was very sick at this time too.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I was scared of men, in general

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Comes on , in middle age.

As i do to all so called friends.?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I think the readers, may guess!

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I have no regrets .

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Ive learnt so much.

Why did i forgive my father ?

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

She found it foreign!.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

She wouldn,t have been !

We were not on the streets..

Where the ultimate outsiders.

She was in good health!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

I did it because my mum asked me too!